Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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