I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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