Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
