After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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