amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
