Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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