Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize