If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
