I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize