Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
