I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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