we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
