if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You are a genius and a whore.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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