john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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