Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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