me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
