The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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