I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
