and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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