did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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