I'm sorry my penis didn't work
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
