another moral hangover. fuck.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
