Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
