Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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