just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
