she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize