the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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