How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
