pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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