I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize