I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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