I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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