u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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