I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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