It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
