Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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