Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
