I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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