I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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