Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Drunk is not a location!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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