if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize