everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
