it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
