she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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