theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
