All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
