So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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