Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
NoShamevember. You game?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
