it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hippo gnu deer
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
