Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's not a walk of shame if you run
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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