I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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