Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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