i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
