I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
