If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
