No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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