can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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