Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
