im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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