Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She tied me up with her honor cords...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
