I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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