we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
