I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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