Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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