i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
