last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
