Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
