clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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