did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
