i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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