If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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