please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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