and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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