sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
