i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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