We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
