Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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