hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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