drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize