Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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