You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize