you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
