Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize