When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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