I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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