Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
