he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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