Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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