they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
